Welcome to America, Eh? – What If Donald Trump Made Canada the 51st State?
Just when you thought North America couldn’t get any weirder, rumor has it that Donald Trump wants to make Canada the 51st state. That’s right—our polite, maple-scented, poutine-powered nation might just become America: The Sequel. But what would that actually look like? Would millions of Americans flock north in search of universal healthcare and legal weed? Would we still be called Canada, or would they rebrand us as “Cold Dakota”? And most importantly—how much richer would we be than the rest of the U.S.? Let’s dive in.
How Many Americans Would Move Here?
The second Canada becomes the 51st state, expect a mass migration of Americans fleeing Florida the way snowbirds do every winter—except this time, they’re not coming back. With our low crime rates, free healthcare, and Tim Hortons on every corner, Canada would instantly become America’s #1 real estate market.
Picture it: hordes of Californians swapping their Teslas for snow tires, Texans learning how to say "sorry" unironically, and New Yorkers having a full-blown existential crisis when they realize how polite customer service is up here. Real estate prices would explode—so if you’re looking to sell, now’s your chance.
Would They Change Our Name?
Let’s be real—America doesn’t exactly have a track record of keeping original names. If we’re lucky, maybe we’d be called something subtle, like “Northern U.S.” or “America Plus.” If we’re unlucky, we’d end up as “Trumpland” with a giant wall built along the 49th parallel—funded, of course, by us.
Other potential name changes include:
Cold Dakota – because let’s face it, Americans aren’t great with geography.
Alaska’s Hat – technically accurate, though mildly insulting.
Maplefornia – sounds like a syrup-flavored beach resort, but we’ll take it.
How Much Richer Would We Be?
If Canada joined the U.S., we wouldn’t just be the 51st state—we’d be the richest, most resource-packed state by a landslide. Let’s break it down:
Potash: We produce the most in the world. Meanwhile, most Americans don’t even know what potash is.
Oil: We have the second-largest oil reserves in the world. Take that, Texas.
Minerals: Diamonds, gold, uranium—basically, if it sparkles or powers a nuclear reactor, we’ve got it.
Freshwater: Canada holds 20% of the world’s surface freshwater. In a future where water is more valuable than gold, we’d be the new Dubai.
Coastline: Canada has the world’s longest coastline. So if the U.S. wants oceanfront property, they’re going to have to play by our rules.
Basically, if Canada becomes a state, we’d be the trust-fund kid of America, sitting on a throne of natural resources while the rest of the country begs us for fresh drinking water.
The Culture Shock: Hockey vs. Football, Poutine vs. Burgers
Let’s not pretend that becoming a state would be seamless. Some of our most sacred traditions would be thrown into chaos.
Hockey vs. Football: Would we be forced to care about the Super Bowl? Would CFL teams be forcibly absorbed into the NFL, or would Americans just pretend they don’t exist (as they do now)?
Poutine vs. Burgers: Would the U.S. finally recognize poutine as a superior food, or would we be forced to accept “freedom fries” instead?
Healthcare vs. Whatever America Has: Would universal healthcare survive, or would we get some nightmarish hybrid called “Maplecare,” where you can technically see a doctor, but only if you pay an extra syrup tax?
Final Verdict: Should We Do It?
Would becoming the 51st state be fun? Absolutely. Would it be complete chaos? Also absolutely. While Americans would love our resources, safety, and obscenely good quality of life, we’d have to ask ourselves—are we willing to trade “eh” for “y’all”?
In the meantime, if you’re an American planning to get ahead of the rush and buy property before the Canada housing boom explodes, let’s talk. Because whether we’re Canada or “Cold Dakota,” one thing’s for sure—real estate is about to get very, very interesting.
